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His actions consistently reinforced that he wasn’t open to the type of relationship I wanted, at least not with me.

That didn’t mean he intended to hurt me, or that he was a bad guy.

I didn’t want to be a wife who hurts her husband so I tried to defend what I said in a round about way to justify why I said what I said, but truth be told, I wasn’t making any sense…and I was further hurting my husband by not acknowledging how he was feeling.

We had been traveling for quite some time and my husband’s patience was wearing.

I aimed right past his defeat, asking him to disregard how he feels so that our entire memory of the trip is a positive one – I was selfish in this moment.

My husband stopped me by telling me how my words hurt him.

After placing myself in this situation more times than I’d like to count, I developed a little three-question guide that’s helped me recognize when enough is enough. When he opened his door to greet me on Valentine’s Day wearing pajamas—at at night—and then threw my card and chocolate rose in his bedroom, it was obvious that I was deluding myself.

This is a somewhat extreme example, but there were little signs in the months leading up to this—unreturned calls, broken dates, many conversations where he wasn’t really listening.

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