Deeper than dating podcast
Learn about people’s personal narratives: their past (e.g., embarrassing moments or lessons learned), present (e.g., beliefs), and future (e.g., hopes, dreams, or fears). If you don’t talk about your past, present, or future much, you probably realize that the people in your life aren’t willing to share this stuff either.
But one word responses, like “yeah,” “cool,” “interesting,” or “totally,” only telegraph that you’re probably not listening. The formula for a great conversation driven by active listening is simple, and it revolves around listening: It’s totally fine if your questions sound random. When you empathize, you recognize that someone else is as real as you.As Simone Weil writes, “Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.” By listening, of course, we’re not talking about “hearing” people or even tracking what they mean. To listen is to be fully present to what someone else is saying, to process their words without distraction, and to seek to understand them before trying to be understood ourselves. People can tell whether you’re listening by your verbal responses and your body language.Listening is the currency of rapport, and the window into trust, connection, and mutual engagement. When you make eye contact and nod as they’re speaking, you send a different message than if you were staring into space. For example, if you’re talking about travel and there’s a lull in the conversation, you might just ask a random question. ) A lot of people listen on a logical level (men, especially).The worst part: both these things happened within eight months of each other.After that, I ask the guys I am coaching to pick one emotion from this story that resonated with them and share a story of their own based on that emotion. It’s important to tap into the emotions coming through.